So I'm finally getting the hang of this parenting thing. I thought I'd share some pointers:
- When your child asks where his toy is (and you KNOW that you just sold it because toys are taking over your house and you can't stand it anymore), pretend that you have NO IDEA what he is talking about. You can even explain that "this is why we have to be more careful with our toys". Eventually he'll give up and go looking for the toy himself or find something else to play with.
- When you are doing dishes after dinner and your 2 year old is "helping", you can save your breakable dishes by asking them to bring their dishes into the kitchen. Food will ALWAYS end up on the floor. That is when you ask them to let the dog in and put them in charge of guiding the dog to the right area. By the time they herd the dog (who, by the way, is scared to death of being "petted" by the child) to where the food is, you will have finished your dishes and the floor will be "clean" again. Success!
- When your wonderful spouse mentions in front of the children that he wants to take them to a movie at 9 PM, don't be the bad guy. Complain that you are really tired, but if that is what everyone wants to do you'll play along. Walk a few steps behind him and the kids into the movie theatre so that all the people who see young kids out late will give dirty looks to your husband and leave you out of it. Also, negotiate that all potty runs and discipline will need to be done by him since this was his spectacular idea. When the movie is over and the kids are happy (and ready for bed), remind your husband how tired you are. Never admit you had a good time as this will eliminate all chances of going to bed early while he gets put in charge of the bed time routine with the kiddos.
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